When You Can't Forgive Yourself ..Part -2 - Saturday's Dose - 29th September 2012

Saturday's Dose - 29th September 2012

When You Can't Forgive Yourself .. Part -2

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." - James 5:16 (NIV). 

Yesterday we discussed how to overcome real guilt by confessing what we have done wrong both to God and to at least one trusted person and, where possible, to the one we have hurt or wronged. When we do this, real guilt goes.

However, if having done the above and I still feel guilty, the
feeling is false guilt and that is totally different issue. With
false guilt I can confess what I have done wrong (or think I have
done wrong) until the cows come home, but the feeling will never go away because it isn't guilt.

False guilt is a conditioned response that is usually learned in
childhood. If, for example, I lived up to my parent's every
expectation, did everything the way they wanted it done, and even
believed the same as they believed and so on, they would give me
their love and approval. If, on the other hand, I didn't conform to
their every expectation (be they realistic or not), they would
withdraw their love and approval, and I would be left feeling guilty. That's false guilt. In other words, this kind of love is conditional, but conditional love isn't love at all. It's a means of controlling others.

Immature parents aren't the only ones that use false guilt to control
others. Legalistic churches and religious groups are notorious for
doing this. This keeps their followers in bondage, hinders their
growth in maturity, and stops their depending on God's Spirit to
direct them rather than depending on their legalist leaders.

False guilt can also be the result of being a perfectionist or having
perfectionistic tendencies. When one doesn't live up to his
unrealistic expectations of himself, like his parents of old, he
sends himself on a false guilt trip.

So how do we overcome false guilt? I wish I had a simple answer, but I don't. Nor do I have a magic wand to make the problem vanish. Resolving false guilt requires a reprogramming of one's thinking as well as his/her emotional responses. One's "guilty self-image" in large part was programmed in the past by what one did or didn't do; that is, failing to conform to somebody else's unrealistic demands and not doing what was expected of him or her.

Reprogramming is achieved over time by developing a guilt-free
healthy self-image based on who one IS and NOT on what he/she did or didn't do. As I let a trusted friend or counselor see the real me— warts and all—and he/she loves and accepts me as I am, little by little I learn to love and accept myself in the same way that God loves and accepts me. This takes courageous honesty, commitment to recovery, and perseverance. God's Word, the Bible, provides the essential key for this healing: "Therefore confess your sins [and faults] one to another and pray for one another so that you may be healed."

Prayer: "Our Loving Heavenly Father, please help me to see when I am experiencing false guilt. Help me to understand the root cause of this problem and find a trusted and accepting friend or counselor to whom I can confess all my sins and faults, and experience their unconditional acceptance and receive your healing and deliverance. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, In Jesus loving Name I Pray, Amen."

Have a Blessed Saturday and God Bless you all.
Courtesy : Daily Dose Devotionals Team


  1. Nhiều chị em thắc mắc những cách chăm sóc da cho bà bầu ra sao, vì khi trong thời kỳ mang thai da bắt đầu sạm đi và rạn nứt, những mẹ bầu lo lắng thai nhi bị suy dinh dưỡng nên ăn gì và những thực phẩm nào là cần thiết, bà bầu nên ăn gì vào mùa thu khi mà cái nóng đang nhẹ dịu thì có những thực phẩm nào thích hợp, bà bầu có nên ăn hồng xiêm không vì hồng xiêm có lợi cho sức khỏe nhưng ăn nhiều sẽ bị nóng, bà bầu xông có được không là thắc mắc của nhiều người, vì xông giúp giải cảm nhưng có thể ảnh hưởng đến thai nhi.


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